Tuesday 19 February 2008
On Sunday Chevronultimate.com received an anonymous package containing several secret recordings of Chevron Action Flash Captain and GB offence handler, Stu Mitchell.
In a world exclusive we can reveal the first of these messages; apparently showing Mitchell describing his favourite way to start the day.
As these recordings were made in secret the quality suffers but speech specialist and Chevron Mixed captain Claerwen Snell has provided the following transcript:
This is the perfect scenario, OK. To have an excellent start to the day. You get it out. Put it in the right place, quick. Err. It’s small and urr it's little but we're all happy. I have a deep shot, I can go deep, I really want to come deep, I must come deep, I must come deep. Urr, does that make sense?
We asked about these recording but Stu Mitchell refused to comment. After being severely hounded by the tabloid press Claire Mitchell, Stu's suffering wife, made this statement: "I accept that the voice in this tape is indeed Stu's, and that he is talking openly about a subject best kept behind closed doors. I hope this statement brings an end to the rumours and the constant hassle we have had from certain areas of the media. So I am happy to confirm that Stu is a right goer in the mornings."
Following up on whisperings that the recording was in some way forged, Chevronultimate.com sent the files to world renowned forensic linguistics specialist William Smythe. He was able to confirm that the recordings had not been tampered with. "The way the speech fits seamlessly together and flows from word to word is proof enough", he began, concluding that "we took further precautions examining the audio file and there is no evidence of forgery."
The second set of recordings are currently being examined but it has not been confirmed as to whether they will be released to the public or not.
Flip-flop Boy